Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff

I have been so let down and hurt by my current coffee situation. At first, I was buying coffee and usually a pastry or two every morning. Then I decided I better buy coffee grounds from the grocery and learn how to use this French coffee maker thingy. So I did, and it was amongst the most offensive taste that has yet to hit my palate. I bought some new, more expensive, coffee grounds that were suggested to me and gave it try the following day. I felt nauseous for hours. Practically bed ridden with a stomachache and headache, I lay in my bed cursing the creator of that horrid coffee. After hours of recovery, I decided it was in the best interest of my health to give up the addiction. No more warm, soothing cup of coffee in the morning to start my day. Maybe it will indirectly help me cut down on the sweets as well. You know you’ve become a fat kid when you get seriously pissed about your muffin purchase because the good stuff is only on top and not throughout. I want more chocolate chips and pecans damnit!

Swedish women are truly beautiful. Fair skin, light eyes, typically thin- maybe because they all smoke, and of course, beautiful blonde locks. Though not scientifically proven, they could potentially be smarter than a man-made blonde simply due to the lack of ammonium seeping into their scalp every 6 weeks since they were 15. In theory, this could lead to higher brain cell count and therefore superior function. If not a biological difference there is certainly a physical one. Haven’t seen a dark root on a light haired head since I arrived. It’s quite easy to feel like an ugly duckling next to all these swans flocking around. My goal first and foremost is to keep warm when I leave my apartment, which means I mostly feel like the abominable snowman clunking down the street.  Wait until I can shed these layers ladies, this southern belle, though frightful in the winter, sure knows how to shine in the summer time!

Far more people smoke here than in the US. I just want to walk up to them, flick it out of their hand and bark, “Don’t you know smoking quit being cool in 90’s?!?!” I refrain for multiple reasons. 1. I probably wouldn’t make any new friends and 2. They could retort quickly about my boot cut jeans and unkempt ponytail.

Vodka, unfortunately, seems to be the alcoholic beverage of choice in Sweden. When I asked why, after silence filled the room, a guy explained this is where Absolut amongst many other types of vodka are made. Well not to offend kind sir BUT it's still gross. They should take some advise from their neighbors, the UK and home to my drink of choice, Tanqueray, about the processes and creation of alcohol. 

It's funny how things that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable at home, can make you very self-conscious in another country. I’ll speak for myself but I have found many times I act silly over things I wouldn’t otherwise think twice about in the US. I was at the grocery store the other day when I picked up a bag of spaghetti and the plastic packaging broke and spaghetti went everywhere in my little roller cart. (This small plastic basket that is similar in size to the ones you hold but it rolls on the ground and you pull it) I was so embarrassed!! Back home I would have laughed, nudged the lady who saw, and made a joke. Here, I wanted to roll into a ball and die. I tried picking up the spaghetti and placed as much of it as I could on a box and continued shopping. I left quickly though as some remaining pieces were sticking out the sides of my basket and I felt like everyone was staring at the trail of evidence I was leaving from my disaster. Ordering food is also a biggie. When I go to the mall I just stare at the menu and because I don’t know what the hell anything says, I just move onto the next feeling like I have “Foreigner” written all over my forehead. Everywhere I go I feel lost, except for my usual paved paths of course, and it’s exhausting. I’m sure no one even notices me but I feel like Waldo in a sea of people and everyone’s eyes are on me, watching my every move so they can pin me down! Eventually, I'm sure, this madness will subside.

There is a nightclub under my apartment building. An older male, younger female kind of nightclub. They bump music Friday and Saturday until 2 am, which reverberates through the whole building, and then until approx 3 am you get to listen to drunken stragglers yelling in various languages. I’ve purchased earplugs but have accepted the fact that on the weekends I will not be going to sleep until at least after 3. Orrrr maybe I’ll go join them. I could use the extra money. My parents always said, “Shake what yo’ momma gave ya!” Just kidding, no they didn’t. But seriously, I might.

So I did book a trip and leave to Malta, an island off the coast of Italy, this coming Wednesday. I felt like such a big girl as it was the first time I’d ever planned a trip without the help and input from someone else. I’m going all by myself for 5 days and 4 nights. Sooo excited!! I went ahead and booked a taxi ahead of time so I don’t await another public transportation disaster to kick-start my vacation. I look forward to letting you know all about it. Until then, I’ll continue to listen to my Bulgarian neighbor rap to Eminem.

Lots of love,

L